


The Sacrifice

by ginger_green



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blindfolds, Bottom Erwin Week, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Porn With Plot, Weird Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-23 17:25:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14337426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginger_green/pseuds/ginger_green
Summary: It is as clear as day, as evident as the simplest math problem: the only creature capable of defeating the enemy is a demon. A demon needs no conscience, no vigilance, no doubt.But Erwin Smith is only human./post-chapter 84, alternative version where Erwin is alive and turned into a shifter/





	The Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> Well I know it's a bit early, but FUCK IT EVERY WEEK IS A BOTTOM!ERWIN WEEK WHEN YOU'RE ME  
> Also sorry for pseudo-psychological depths, idk what I was thinking .D

 

It was the right call - everyone agreed.

It was the one decision in favour of humanity, given all circumstances. After all, there is only so much to sacrifice for any greater cause; you might as well start with your own life.

Yet Erwin could not help himself but wonder: was his greater cause indeed worth the consequences?

It's not like he never enjoyed being alive again. And, of course, he did not blame Levi for saving him. Save that it was the right decision, it was also a decision of Levi's own, thus it would be unfair and cruel to accuse him of egotism. It was something different - something about his new nature that bothered him, kept him wondering.

He watched as loops of scarlet flesh unwound around his right arm, wet chunks of muscle peeling off above the elbow, then falling in the grass and vaporizing, turning into clouds of silver steam and silent fuzz. The transformation made his hand look like it was clothed in a giant glove. Sitting on the ground by his side, Hange Zoë picked and pinned the separated tissue, assessing its temperature and texture, then registering reads in a large leather-bound notebook. They appeared positively excited, and Erwin knew it was not due to the work they did. It was just that any work appealed, after two months the Survey Corps had to spend without a significant occupation. They were to wait until the new recruits are trained, their applications sent away to the heads of military divisions, and what Levi sarcastically called 'fresh meat' ready for an expedition.

A large fragment of titan flesh sliced down the back of Erwin's palm, exposing steaming skin to the gentle wind. "The last one," Hange observed, and made a note of time and size in the bottom of the page. "I think we can consider it over now. It stopped regenerating. How do you feel?"

"I could use some water." Erwin studied his bare arm, from elbow to fingertips covered in ghastly transparent slime. "It didn't drench me to restore it though, unlike the full Colossus."

"Did you feel pain?"

"After the injury? Not really. It sealed almost immediately, as you very well noticed."

"It is... possible, if not very likely," Hange said, flipping nervously through the recordings, "that some of your abilities shall develop with practice, requiring less and less energy per time. I would not recommend rushing the process, however, as it may lead to complications, similar to how we had to halt Eren's training once he started coughing his own blood all over the floor."

"You sound like my personal medic now," Erwin laughed. "I appreciate your efforts." 

They do not hold hard feelings for each other, even after Hange has - reluctantly and by his own request - nearly chopped Erwin's arm off. It is for the greater cause, they know, and greater cause requires oaths broken, principles brushed aside, and sacrifices made.

So days go by, and Erwin walks his way.

And deep inside of him, it grows.

Its name spins on his tongue, but he cannot call for it. Its breath is icy cold on his nape, but he cannot catch it. He closes his eyes and senses it, yet the very moment he tries to picture it, determine it, the bloody shape escapes him like a worm, a slippery creature squeezing through the space between his fingers, hiding in the dark, concealing secrets. And, losing leads, he feels it nonetheless: it grows, it grows inside.

It is not human, for what he knows. It is alien to his own thoughts. But they are connected, in an unspeakable way, and as it grows, it roots itself deeper and deeper in his very heart. And as its roots spread across his being, he starts hearing its whisper on the edge of consciousness. 

_What are you willing to sacrifice?_

The life of a Survey Corps member does not belong to them - it is the property of the humankind. By any mean possible must they serve and protect what little Marley war effort has left of Kingdom Behind the Walls. _What are you willing to sacrifice?_   At the current rate it is as clear as day, as evident as the simplest math problem: the only creature capable of defeating the enemy is a demon. A demon needs no conscience, no vigilance, no doubt.

Erwin Smith, however, is only human. 

_What are you willing to--_

"How do you feel?" 

Erwin jerked his head up in surprise at the sound of Levi's voice. He did not hear the Captain approaching, soft footsteps buried in gentle grasp of the wetland and whispers of the wind - and whispers inside of Erwin's head.

"A little odd." He stretched his right hand and rotated it from one side to another. The light glowed golden around his peach-pink fingers. "But it's not anything to worry about."

Squeezing between them, Hange brushed Erwin's wrist with their gloved fingers and raised them to the eye, studying the remaining substance.

"Apparently, slime has a higher boiling point than flesh itself," they noted. "And neither affect the shifter's well-being, despite their astronomic temperatures. Eren was not even capable of willingly transforming separate limbs... Most curious!"

"You make him work too hard, Hange." Levi crossed his arms, as he would usually do when irritated. "You exhaust him."

"I'm perfectly fine, Levi," Erwin objected. "I can take care of myself."

"Well, we've finished for today anyways." Hange closed the notebook and stood up, casually adjusting the belt that held their goggles in place. "If you want him, Levi, you can take him." 

Down the field they went, to the Survey Corps' headquarters, and up the stone latter into the Commander's cabinet. At least one advantage did the delay of an expedition give them: the luxury to rest. To have time of their own, with curtains closed and doors sealed tight, alone in the whole universe - as if there was no war gorging upon their future, as if this place was their home, a house on the sea shore. The one they never had.

 

There is a single old couch looming in the corner, green pillows almost falling apart from prolonged use. It is as clean as any new one though. Levi insisted on putting it there. He napped by Erwin's side whenever he could, unwilling to part with his precious companion even for a blink of an eye. On that couch now he crushes, back arching, thighs rubbing against Erwin's so that he feels tension growing in his body. His blood streams hotter than titan's flesh, and as he kisses Levi's forehead, the obnoxious whisper in his ear falls silent. The room falls still. The time falls still. The light glows golden around his red fingers. 

They are not as passionate as they used to be few years ago. Their age demands more patience. It does not trouble them. They cuddle under Erwin's cape - the new one, black, made of the fabric softer than the one that was destroyed during the unfortunate course of events in Shiganshina. The sun warms their cheeks, already hot from other lover's breath. They hold hands. They rest.

"What's it like?" Levi suddenly asks, breaking the peaceful silence. "Being a titan - how does it feel?"

Erwin pauses to think. Not upon the answer - he knows he'd never be able to explain this experience - but upon what _it_ would say, if only it could speak. There is but silence in response. Not a whisper, not a quiet word. _It might be sleeping_ , he thinks, and scolds himself immediately for such a ludicrous idea. A minute passes, and then he remembers Levi is waiting for an answer.

"It's much like wielding a weapon," he finally says. "Like operating a large artillery unit or owning a fierce hound."

"Yeah?.." Levi raises a brow at him, glancing critically over Erwin's restored body. "For what I see, it's much more like _being_ a weapon." 

He huffs and rolls, pressing upon Erwin's body with his own, making their chests brush, their bellies brush, their knees rub against each other - and Erwin is pretty much ready to rip him the hell apart by the time he is comfortable on his spot, face so flat and innocent as if he has no idea of what his actions do to other man. 

"It's not that you ain't got humanity left in you, Erwin. It is that you just have to touch it."

"How did you know what I was thinking about?"

"It wasn't too hard to guess."

"Is that so... What do you mean by 'touching' it?"

"Can you trust me?"

"More than anyone, I suppose. Why?"

"I won't let you think you're turning into some kind of monster," Levi murmurs, his voice low, eyes deep and welcoming. "I want to show what I see in you. Will order you to. But you gotta become much softer. More vulnerable." In shadows, his lips part, and Erwin loses what he has been about to say. Levi's mouth has a special taste, the one that makes you forget your pain and betray anything you care for.

"Yes?" Erwin breaths after they part. "And why is that?"

"I know how people think." Levi's voice grows lower and slightly wistful. "People who die like flies where I come from. But if you look in their eyes, oddly enough... there's peace. As if they grew tired of existing and met their deaths willingly. They feel relieved when they give up. It's what they always were, I think. They just would not admit it. There is nothing more human-like in the world than being weak."

"I'm not weak."

"Of course you're not. But maybe that's what helps. If you don't want me to..."

"I'm actually quite interested. What do you want me to do?"

Levi sits upright and begins to untie his cravat. "Kneel before me, Commander, and then I'll think."

"Your wish is my command, Captain." Erwin's grin is teasing. "Only do not enjoy this too much. I don't want to become an addition to your kill count." 

He laughs. He knows that his expression is driving Levi crazy right now, that wide mysterious smile which he cannot very well control. He takes his shirt off. He kneels on the floor, on the spot warm from sunrays. The light is golden, and Levi's figure appears darker against it. The Captain rises, and all the light is swallowed by his shadow. He takes his way around Erwin's spot. Without turning, Erwin can feel his presence there, his peaceful glance, his reliability comforting, mesmerising.

"Raise your head."

Erwin obeys. Levi's cravat rustles millimetres above his forehead, and, in a second, darkness comes, darkness that smells like Levi, darkness that fills each cell of Erwin's body with Levi's presence - for it is not merely a piece of cloth that blinds. it is the smell, too, and touch, and sound. Levi is now sensible everywhere, in every breath, in every move. Unexpectedly, the world is lost, and it is just him. His hands slip down from Erwin's shoulders and land above his wrists.

"Here." Careful pulling motion, to which Erwin's hands submit like those of a mere puppet. They land on the couch, soft fabric pressing into the open palm. They feel exposed. Erwin himself feels exposed. He does enjoy it - that, and the more than obvious discomfort in his pants. It is a game, but something inside of him takes it seriously.

_What are you willing to sacrifice?_

"I love your hands, Erwin - don't you? I'd kiss them day and night, until you know it the way I do. They're beautiful." Light touch strokes him back from fingertips to elbows. He knows not whether these same fingers will bring him pain or pleasure. He does not even know where exactly Levi is, aside from that he is close, so close. He breathes into the curve of Erwin's neck, and Erwin shivers.

"Levi..."  _I shouldn't be taking so much joy in this,_ he means. It is shameful, to be deprived of action. Awkward. A soldier's body is a machine for killing; a soldier's heart is an engine that never stops until their last breath. As a soldier, he longs for exploitation, he wants to be useful. Instead,  _it_ talks. It curls up in his chest in pleasure. It is awake. It is almost touchable.

_What are you willing to sacrifice?_

"Rise a bit." There is a hint of metal sharpness in Levi's voice, a hint of a command, not an order. Yet. "Stay on your knees, just bring your weight further." Light touch again, from the back of his head and down the spine. Bare skin, warm air. And electricity. "Good. So good."

For a moment, the air is still. Time is still. And _i_ _t_ is still.

And then Levi's palm strikes him down the buttocks. Its hit is hard and sudden. And Erwin's lips part in a soft cry - he knows not if it is the cry of unexpected pain or of a need to feel more of it. For it is not merely the pain that drives him, not the pain that strips him of essence, of a skin which ought to defend him. It is the context in which pain is brought, _whom_ it is brought by. A sharp inhale burns his throat. The new slap is fast to come. The pain grows steeper like a wave, causing his fists to clench.

"Does it feel good?" He did not realise Levi was so close, lips almost brushing his ear.

"Yeah..."

"Do you want more?"

"Y-yes..."

"Yes what?"

"Yes, please." The heat is high in Erwin's cheeks. He sweats. Slap! - it sounds louder as his brain is deprived of vision, and so the other senses sharpen, catching more shades in danger, more tones in subtlety. Slap! - it is more humiliating than actually painful, he turns around, as if to _see_ that spot where Levi is.

_What are you willing to sacrifice?_

"Your skin is soft here, Erwin, isn't it? You like it treated rough... Don't whine, say it."

"I love it, Levi."

"If you need _that_ , you might say it as well."

"I love you."

Pain has an edge of joy, a weird scent of lust. Pain is a vessel. The next slap leaves the skin of his ass rose-red. He groans in pain, teeth grudging as Levi's fingers rub harshly his reddened cheeks -  _good, so good._ He never shifts -  _stay on your knees_. And from his depth up to the surface -  _it_ comes, gorging upon what Levi gives him, upon Levi's presence. It is like Levi feeds it. It is like whenever Erwin lets himself go, it is there to take his place. And this feeling is strange, unfamiliar, but... comforting.

The punishment stops as unexpectedly as it comes. Levi bends over his shoulder, plants short kisses on his neck.

"My love," he whispers. "Give up control. Give up thinking."

"Scary." Erwin chuckles nervously, last bit of courage hoarse like wood crackling in fire. "What's there left to do, then?"

"Just giving in."

He pulls at the button on Erwin's pants, bringing a short relief to the tense feeling of erection, and grabs his cock at the base so tight Erwin whimpers. Slides up and down, pain contrast to intense arousal. A droplet of precum drips off the head of Erwin's cock, and Levi brushes it with his thumb. Erwin loses the  _why_ of the situation, his hands are sweating hot, and he shifts forward to strengthen pleasure.

And at that precise moment Levi pulls his hand back.

"That's way too early, Commander."

He slaps the same spot he did before, but this time lightly, in a way that just reminds of pain but does not bring it. Then he returns the hand in place, moves loving, slow - too slow. Normally Erwin loves indulging in leisure, but _it_ is not pleased at all.

"Please, make it rougher."

"It's not the time yet."

"I can't--" Slow motion up and down, fists clench, the darkness burns, _give up, give in_. "Umh!"

"Be good, my love. Give in."

And Erwin gives in. He had never thought it would be so easy. In some way, it truly is like dying - after all struggles, all miles gone, you suddenly accept what could have been your destiny from the beginning. Give up. Let go. And you are happy to admit it, accept it. And you are not scared at all.

"Levi, please," Erwin cries, soft breaths escaping his aching chest between each word. "I'll do anything, _anything_... Please, let me... Please!.."

He knows words make no sense. He knows Levi understands. His gentle palm pets Erwin's cheek, consolation brought immediately, as if by order.

"Patience. Just a little more."

He pauses for a second - to lick his fingers, as Erwin knows, some part of him still registering the signals from the outer world. Levi's free hand slips between Erwin's thighs, tickling up the groin. His fingers leave cooling watery traces. He pushes them inside, and Erwin breathes out in endless relief.

"You're not a sword."

Thrust.

"You're not a bow."

Gasp.

"You are but human."

Hair pulled back, long moan.

"You feel it, don't you?"

Erwin's body jerks, thighs shaking in convulsion. Long fingers push hard inside him, he suffocates as all power leaves him, all strength abandons him. And when Levi replaces his fingers with his dick, it is more pleasant than anything he had felt before, yet pleasure is secondary, inferior to the sense of some huge responsibility lifted from his shoulders. Finally being fucked, not fucking - who could possibly think it was so important? Finally receiving orders, not sending them. Giving up. Giving in. He sobs and feels the blindfold getting wet. His tears are full of salt. His whimpers barely escape beyond their tight embrace.

In mere minutes, Levi's arms are wrapped around him, and suddenly he is very safe and calm. His whole body shakes with each sob. If not for the blindfold and stickily-wet skin, he might have resembled a child who calls for their parents in the midst of night, afraid of ghosts that shape the darkness.

"Oh Erwin, dear," Levi says. "How could you be more human?"

The blindfold falls, slips on the stained floor. In steel-grey irises of Levi's eyes, the light is golden.

"How do you feel?"

Erwin sobs once more, making a funny loud noise. Words take him a visible effort. "I'm fine."

"Tears made me worry."

"They're not because of you, darling."

"I know."

"I thought... I could've lived like that."

"You can."

"I cannot bear it all."

"Then you don't have to."

They stay cuddled for what feels like ages, until Erwin stops crying and gradually returns to his normal conscious self. He smiles: Levi does not seem to bother about cuddling a filthy crying man on the dirty floor. Around his hands and in his hair, the light is golden. Like tears, time flows in rivers. Air flows in rivers.

And up above their heads,  _it_ blooms.

Levi breaks the silence.

"You're gonna need some lotion for your ass, by the way. Or a damp cloth, that's more achievable."

Erwin laughs into his shoulder. "You're so considerate. My ass is very glad to be at your full service."

"So your ass can talk now? That's _ludicrous_."

"Probably, but your improved vocabulary is not."

"I read your books."

"I thought so."

Slowly, as not to disturb the calmness they have brought, they relocate back on the couch. Levi keeps his promise and brings some warm water, along with a clean cloth, to ease the throbbing feeling and bring the redness down. Small streams of water run down Erwin's back. They are ticklish and calming. Erwin enjoys being cared for. Aside from Levi, few people dare taking care of him like that.

"What did you feel?" he asks. "Doing this... to me."

Levi squeezes out the cloth and huffs without any distinct expression.

"I was happy to let you know. It's what I wanted. And, apparently, what _you_ wanted. But I had... doubts. Y'know. Like, what if I fuck up and hurt you too much. Or what if you don't like it. It's easy to imagine, like, in my head. I did it all the time. But actually getting you to agree... it all seemed so complicated."

"Why would you go at such lengths with me, then?"

"Because," Levi runs his fingers up to Erwin's neck, tips tapping on each vertebrae,  "I really _do_ see you that way, stupid."


End file.
